Review Goodbye, Byline and Get a Free Query or LOI Critique

Hey, readers! Thanks to all of you who have already purchased my latest book  which covers both short- and long-form ghostwriting (think content marketing, articles, blog posts, books, white papers, and more!). I'll be announcing other special offers in conjunction with my new book, Goodbye Byline, Hello Big Bucks! Make Money Writing Books, Articles, Blogs, and More, Second Edition, but here's the first one: review the book on Amazon or BN.com and I'll be delighted to give you an in-depth critique of your query or letter of introduction. Normally I charge $100/hour for this kind of consulting, so this is a great deal! 

Just post the review and then send me an email at kelly at becomebodywise dot com with the pitch you'd like feedback on, and give me a few days to get back to you! Thanks for your support! (Don't have a Kindle? Download the book at Smashwords.)  

Query Critique #2: And ConCon is Only a Month Away!

Welcome back, readers! We return to the query critique today with this submission; my comments appear in brackets in blue. 

Dear Barbara,

As a desk jockey sitting in front of the computer or in meetings all day, are you concerned about the impact of all that sitting? Are you aware of the recent studies linking sitting to an increased risk for diabetes and heart disease?  I am too. When I transitioned from being an active classroom teacher to work-from-home writer, I experienced a weight gain immediately. Because of my time flexibility, I joined a gym. However, even that may not mitigate the hours spent sitting at a desk. What about busy working mothers who find it next to impossible to squeeze time in for exercise before or after work? However, experts in workplace fitness have found ways to incorporate exercise into the typical office work day. Interested in knowing more? [I like this lead but it's a little long--I'd tighten it a bit; maybe focus on the first person anecdote and then talk about busy working mothers (the readers of this publication) in the next paragraph.] 

Two recent studies illustrate the staggering effects of a mostly sedentary lifestyle. An Australian study concluded that “an adult who spends an average of six hours a day watching TV over the course of a lifetime can expect to live 4.8 years fewer than a person who does not watch TV.” A 2012 report found that the average adult spend 50-70 percent of their lives sitting. This puts them at much increased risk for diabetes and cardiovascular disease, even if they exercise. [Explain the link between the last two sentences--it's not clear. And what is the increased risk? How much? Quantify, please. This info could also be worked into the lead instead, although I would focus on the second study, which specifically addresses the link between sitting and heart disease.] 

As fast as the scientific community reported the problems, researchers, businesses, and health practitioners responded. [I would continue with what the solutions are, and then talk about word length and working title in a bit.] My 1,500-word feature, “Taking a Stand for Workplace Fitness,” will examine the ingenious solutions to being tied to your chair during your workday. I will interview Dr. Cindy Wolff, Executive Director of the Center for Nutrition and Activity Promotion at Chico State University in California, about how she and her staff have incorporated under-desk exercise bicycles, stand-up phone calls, and walking meetings into her office’s routines [And? What's been the result? Increased productivity? Weight loss? Happier staff? What? Include.] I’ll talk to Marchfield Clinic, Wisconsin, executive assistant Pam Gotto about her experiences with an adjustable desk. She can sit or stand while she works, depending on the task and her energy level. [Again, tell us a little bit more about her experience.] I’ll also give first person reports of my attempts to incorporate these some of these techniques into my work day. I wrote this standing up. [I like this first-person anecdote here and would like to know more about how you're working while standing; again, I would include a line or two about how long you've been doing it, benefits, etc.] Dr. Wolff has agreed to offer photos from her office. A sidebar will illustrate various options for desk workouts, including desk/treadmill combinations. [I would rephrase this to say something like, "If you like, I can provide photos to accompany this story; a possible sidebar will illustrate..." I think the writer should also talk about how much these desk treadmills/bikes cost. How expensive are they? Can you build one yourself, etc?] 

As the author of six YA nonfiction books, I have ample experience explaining scientific and technical concepts to a non-technical audience. My editors at Rosen Publishing have complimented me on my professionalism and responsiveness. Clips from my books Top 10 Tips for Enjoying Success in School and Get Smart with Your Money: Internship Smarts are attached (yes, I can provide articles on those topics as well!) [Nice. The writer doesn't have typical clips, but she's made up for it and "dance with who brung her," so to speak to pump up her ISG.] I have been a working mom for over 25 years, always looking for ways to balance career, parenting, and health. All of us who sit for a living can benefit from knowledge of the detrimental effects of this lifestyle and practical ways to counteract the effects. [Good, though I would still like to see that magic language, "based on my personal experience, I believe I can bring a unique perspective to this subject" or something like that. Also tell me what section of the mag it belongs in to demonstrate familiarity with your target market. Finally, I think 1,500 words is a little long for this subject; I'd pitch it as a shorter piece, maybe 800-1000 words or so.] I look forward to your response to this timely and important topic.

[Readers, what do you think? Agree with my critique? I welcome your comments below.]  

Readers, do you do content marketing? Would you like to? Check out ASJA's ConCon conference here in Chicago November 7-8, 2013 at Columbia College. It's for writers who are new to this niche--and those who already do content marketing and want to make even more money doing so. I hope to see you there! 

And as usual, I remind you about my books which are invaluable to both newbie and experienced freelancers: Dollars and Deadlines: Make Money Writing Articles for Print and Online Markets and Six-Figure Freelancing: The Writer's Guide to Making More Money, Second Edition. Prefer a print copy? Use the coupon code IMPROVISEPRESS (all caps,no spaces) for 20 percent off when you order directly through ImprovisePress.com. 

Query Critique #1: Feast on Truffles

Hi, gang! Thanks to those readers who submitted queries for the query critique; the first one is an travel-related pitch. It appears below, with my comments in blue: 

Dear Domini,

Thin verging on scrawny, with irregular cow-like black spots adorning his frail frame, the dog didn’t look much like a creature capable of bringing in thousands of dollars of merchandise per day. “I actually left my best dog at home,” our nature guide and truffle hunter explained. “You can’t do a staged hunt with her. She smells that I’ve already touched the truffles before burying them, and she’s not interested.” [Love this lead. Strong description and definitely catches my attention. I would like to know the name of the nature guide, though.]

In the foothills of the Apennine Mountains that connect Tuscany, Umbria, and Le Marche, truffles are big business. At the truffle exchange – like the diamond or stock exchange for these mysterious mycetes – fist-sized white truffles fetch $6,000 before being broken down and sold to restaurants at triple mark-up. [Nice details here; I'd like to know a little more about why the truffles are so in demand and expensive, for someone who's not that familiar with them.]

In a truffle-centric travel piece, I’ll follow these famous fungi from the first fruitful forage of the season to the wholesale marketplace to the aficionado’s plate. The hills of Le Marche are one of the few places in the world besides Alba in Piedmont where the precious white truffle grows. [Great detail to know.] Besides restaurants happy to shave another ounce or two of truffles on your risotto free of charge, [this clause reads a little awkward to me] [Mercatello sul Metauro, the nearest town, mixes the Renaissance and modern hospitality in a way you can no longer find in touristy Tuscany. [Good selling point for a magazine that covers travel--something new and different.] Noble families open up their families’ Renaissance palaces and network of social connections to visitors, the abbey produces an herb-based indigo dye for a local brand of jeans, and artisans hand-throw and -paint pottery using local 16th century techniques to create custom designs for modern homes. [Shows that the writer has done plenty of research but I feel like the story idea is losing a little focus. Is the story more about the truffles or the community?] 

I’m a freelance travel journalist with a degree in Italian culture who has worked for Italy Magazine and covered Italian travel topics for publications on three continents, including USA TODAY, Ambassador, International Living, and Destination I Do. [Nice ISG.] I have photos available to accompany the piece [Great but I'd say, "I can provide photos to accompany the piece," which implies she'll shoot them for the market, not just rely on what she has] and can include an "if you go" sidebar highlighting how to best reach this out-of-the-way destination, accommodations, restaurants, and local attractions. [nice.]

Would you be interested in “Feast on Truffles, Travel Back in Time in Le Marche” for The Globe and Mail? [Suggested word count? Mention of a recent story to show that she's familiar with the market?]

Best regards,

**Readers, I like this query very much. I think I would focus on the truffles aspect a bit more and possibly provide a few more details about the truffle hunting process, etc and how the truffle economy affects the local community, not just talk about the community itself--more of a truffle tie-in if you will. However, overall I think it's a very strong query with a good chance of selling. Readers, what do you think? 

Want to see queries that sold--and why? Check out one of my popular e-books, Dollars and Deadlines: Make Money Writing Articles for Print and Online Markets or Six-Figure Freelancing: The Writer's Guide to Making More Money, Second Edition. Prefer a print copy? Use the coupon code IMPROVISEPRESS (all caps,no spaces) for 20 percent off when you order directly through ImprovisePress.com. 

Keep Those Queries Coming...And Note for Chicago-Area Writers

Hi, gang, and keep those queries coming for the query critique! Thanks to those who have submitted one already; I've already chosen one to critique first (good news for the writer who's pitching a truffle piece!). In the meantime, I wanted to notify Chicago-area readers of several writing-related programs I have coming up: 

• I'll be presenting my popular program, "Breaking In: The Basics of Writing for Print and Online Publications," at the Antioch Public Library at 7 p.m. on Monday, September 30, 2013. 
• I'll be presenting at my local library here in Downers Grove on Tuesday, November 5, 2013, at 7:00 p.m. about overcoming the barriers that keep you from reaching your writing goals. "Break Down the Barriers" will help you identify your roadblocks--and overcome them--no matter what you're writing. 
• Thinking about self-publishing? You'll be able to make an informed decision about your options after attending "Your Self-Publishing Options," which I'll be presenting on Tuesday, December 3, at 7:00 p.m. at the Downers Grove Library. 

I hope to see some of you in person soon and look forward to answering your freelance writing and publishing questions in person! If you can't make it, check out my popular books on freelancing: Dollars and Deadlines: Make Money Writing Articles for Print and Online Markets or Six-Figure Freelancing: The Writer's Guide to Making More Money, Second Edition. Prefer a print copy? Use the coupon code IMPROVISEPRESS (all caps,no spaces) for 20 percent off when you order directly through ImprovisePress.com. 

You Know You Want it: The Query Critique Returns

Have an idea you've been pitching for a while but haven't been able to sell? Are you a new writer who wants to make the best possible first impression on an editor--or do you simply want some honest feedback on your query from an experienced freelancer? 

You've come to the right place--I'm launching another query critique. The rules are simple: 

1. Email a one-page query (no longer, please) to dollarsanddeadlines at gmail dot com with "query" in the subject line. Put the query in the body of the email; don't attach it, please. 

2. Tune in to the blog to see if yours is chosen for critique! 

This is an opportunity for you to have a seasoned pro (um, that would be me--I've written hundreds of queries that sold, and edited hundreds more!) take a look at your pitch, and help you improve it--and hopefully sell it as well. I don't do these critiques often (and I charge $100/hour when clients hire me to do so), and they offer valuable feedback, especially for  new freelancers. 

I look forward to seeing your queries soon! Please get them to me by Monday, September 30 but the earlier, the better--the first ones in have a higher chance of being chosen. 

In the meantime, for 20+ queries that worked--and everything you need to know about freelancing for print and online markets, check out check out my latest two books, Dollars and Deadlines: Make Money Writing Articles for Print and Online Markets or Six-Figure Freelancing: The Writer's Guide to Making More Money, Second Edition. Prefer a print copy? Use the coupon code IMPROVISEPRESS (all caps,no spaces) for 20 percent off when you order directly through ImprovisePress.com. 

Query Critique #2: Is this a True-Life Feature or a Service Piece?

Hi, readers, and welcome back to the latest Query Critique, and thanks to all who submitted queries. You'll find the first query critique here. My comments appear below in blue: 

Dear (Editor's name),

Sandra hadn’t given much thought to becoming a mother. She was 29 years old and married for only a few years, so she felt she had time to ponder that question. The closest she had come to contemplating motherhood was when she agreed to be guardian to her sister’s daughter. When her sister died unexpectedly, there was no more time for the musings of motherhood—it was full immersion. [This lead covers a lot but lacks specifics. A few things--first off, use Sandra's last name so it's clear she's a real person. I'd also like to know how old she was when she agreed to be her niece's guardian, and what happened to the niece's father. Also, how old was her niece when her mother died? What does Sandra do for a living? Give us more info about Sandra so we know more about her.] 

“Lessons in Guardianship” is the story of a loving aunt turned reluctant mother. Readers will learn about the challenges that come with becoming a parent overnight to a grieving child, especially when Sandra's own family members don’t think she's the right choice. [Interesting and I'd like to know more about the intra-family conflict going on.] Although Sandra was committed to honouring her sister’s wishes, she cautions anyone in a similar situation to reflect deeply before agreeing to the guardianship of someone else’s child. “People have to get over the honour of being asked, it’s definitely not like being asked to be a bridesmaid.” [I'm not sure whether this story is going to be a true-life feature or a service piece. It sounds like it's a little of both, which usually doesn't work.] 

In addition to Sandra’s experience, the story will walk the reader through some of the emotional and financial considerations when accepting to be a guardian, such as long-distance relocation (Sandra lived in another part of the country) and the $235,000 it costs [according to? source?] to raise a child to eighteen—not including college or university. Her story will inspire and provide insight to parents who are not quite sure how to broach this topic and to those who are considering taking on such a commitment. I estimate about 1500 words for the piece but I am flexible and open to suggestions. [It sounded at the beginning that this was going to be a true-life feature but now it sounds like a service piece. That's fine--the writer can still use Sandra as the lead for the story or as anecdotal source, which will probably be easier to sell than a true-life feature anyway. Or she could write the service piece with Sandra's story as a sidebar--or flip it and write a true-life feature about Sandra's experience and accompany with a service sidebar. Make sense?] 

I am a freelance writer with a flare [flair] for turning personal stories into everyone-can-relate experiences. I have done an initial interview with Sandra [good], whom I came to know through a writing project [unnecessary] and I have published several pieces in parenting magazines [such as? names?] and would be happy to send them upon request. 

Thank you for your consideration of this proposal. I look forward to hearing from you.

I think the writer has a solid idea, but needs to decide which direction she's going to take to sell this idea. Another thought--what about some stats? How many adults agree to be guardians of children? How common is it to have to step in as a guardian? These kinds of stats--showing how likely this issue is to affect readers--can help the editor say "yes" to a pitch. 

Readers, what do you think? Agree or disagree with my comments? 

**Coming up: a new salary survey. And thanks to all who continue to buy Writer for Hire: 101 Secrets to Freelance Success. It sold more copies in December than any month so far! :) 

Query Critique #1: A Service/Wellness Pitch

Hi, readers, and welcome to the 2013 Query Critique! Here's the first one, with my comments in blue: 

Happiness can seem like a forgotten concept as our schedules pile up and we drown beneath endless tasks and to-do lists. Feeling overwhelmed can cause us to fall into a lousy mood. Getting out of that slump can sometimes be hard. What you need is a happiness fix. [I like the general idea of this pitch--and in fact have written about happiness on several occasions--but I think the lead could be more compelling/attention-getting. In my opinion, it's a little too general.]

In my article, “Be Happy Now. 5 Minute Fixes,” I’ll speak with experts and women-on-the-street who will share their happiness tactics. Go from blah to bliss with one of these spirit-boosting tips. [Again, feels a little general/unfocused to me. I do like the working title, though.]

For example:

Elizabeth Singer a licensed psychoanalyst says, “Change it up. Brains have three states. We pay attention and think. We feel our emotions, and we rest or daydream. When a blue mood seeps into your day, try changing it up. If you've been working, rest and daydream for a few minutes. If you've been a couch potato, grab a puzzle and solve it.” [I'm wondering where this quote came from. Did the writer interview her or is this from a book? I can't tell from the quote. And I don't think this quote is particularly strong--I'm not sure what the 'three states' that she refers to are from this quote. I think it could be reworked, or taken out of direct quotes to make the point stronger.] 

Rea Frey a lifestyle writer feels we should, “Replace ‘I have to’ with ‘I want to’. There are too many ‘I should do this’ and ‘I have to do that’ on a daily basis. What can you live without? What do you really want to do? Ask yourself: at the end of the day, what really matters? What do I want my life to be?” [This quote is fine, but is this really a five-minute fix? This sounds like it would take quite a bit longer than that. I'm also wondering why Frey is quoted. I'd cut this quote as she's not in the wellness/happiness field.]

Carol Frazey, M.S. suggested, “Start a fun, innocent practical joke. This could be something like consistently leaving a flower or some type of greenery on a friend/coworkers windshield, hiding a silly toy in their office, or placing a whoopy cushion on their chair. Sometimes thinking about how we can boost someone else's day actually boosts our own too!” [I like this quote best of the three, because it's specific and something that is a five-minute fix.]

These are just a few examples of what you’ll find in the article. [How long will the piece be? And why not just include the suggestions, not these long quotes?]

For over five years I served as a regular contributor at Listen Magazine and Western New York Family Magazine. [Is the writer still a regular contributor? I'm not sure from the way this is worded.] My work has appeared in various print and online magazines including SheKnows.com, VerveGirl, Faith and Family, GeoParent, Families on the Go, Florida Family, and Georgia Family Magazine. [Good.]

With my experience I can provide an impeccable ability to work as a team player, tackle new and challenging projects and meet deadlines. [Hmmm...I'm not crazy about this sentence as it sounds like something I'd expect to see in a cover letter, not a query. I do like the part about meeting deadlines, though!] 

With my experience I can provide an impeccable ability to work under pressure and meet deadlines.  [I think this is a typo...and something to be avoided!] Happiness is only minutes away. [Huh? Not sure where this fits in.]  May I write this for you? [I do like that the writer asks for the assignment, but I'd like to know how long the piece will be, and what section of the publication she believes it would fit in.] 

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Warm Regards,

Thanks to the writer who submitted this query. I'd say she has a great start, but the query could be much more compelling. What about citing a recent happiness survey, or a surprising fact about happiness--for example, that studies show that winning the lottery doesn't improve happiness past a few weeks? This would give the pitch a time peg and make it more specific. 

I'd also list some specific suggested five-minute happiness fixes instead of using the quotes she's included. I felt the query read a little too long and could have been more tightly focused to the publication's audience/readers to make it more salable. 

Readers, what do you think? Do you agree with my analysis? Feel free to comment here, and feel free to submit your own query for a critique very soon!]  

Get those Queries In...The Query Critique is Back!

Howdy, readers! I'm announcing the first 2013 query critique! If you'd like feedback on a query, feel free to submit it to me, and watch the blog for the queries I select to comment on. (You'll find some past queries here.)

It's simple to participate: send your query as an email (no attachments, please) to dollarsanddeadlines@gmail.com with "query" in the subject line. Then watch the blog to see if yours is chosen for critique. 

This is an opportunity for you to have a seasoned pro (um, that would be me--I've written hundreds of queries that sold, and edited hundreds more!) take a look at your pitch, and help you improve it--and hopefully sell it as well. 

I look forward to seeing your queries soon! Please get them to me by Monday, January 20, but the earlier, the better--the first ones in have a higher chance of being chosen. 

**In the meantime, you know the drill...if you're looking for more great advice about freelancing, check out Writer for Hire: 101 Secrets to Freelance Success. 

10 Ways for Freelance Writers to Market Themselves

Hi, readers! Got a query you're struggling with, and would like some feedback on? Had a query rejected and wish you knew why? Or simply want a pro to take a look at your latest pitch? 

Stay tuned--I'll soon be offering my Query Critique series, where I edit and comment on readers' queries (anonymously) here on the blog. (It's a bargain--my consulting/coaching clients pay me $100/hour for this kind of work--so get your query ready to submit when I announce the upcoming critique series!)

And do me a favor. Please comment on this post if you're planning to participate and let me know! Thanks.  

            

Now, onto my latest post: 

New to freelancing? Feel like you're doing nothing more than sending out queries and getting, well, nowhere? 

            

Welcome to the club. When you launch a freelance business, you spend the majority of your time marketing. As you develop experience and work for clients, though, you can expect to spend less time overall selling yourself. Yet you should plan on devoting a significant chunk of time, at least 20 percent, to marketing your business.

            

The way you market will depend on the type of work you do, which means that the strategies that work for a freelancer who writes for magazines won’t work for a copywriter. That’s why I suggest you create your own marketing plan, selecting different techniques that will vary depending on the type of work you do. In addition to those dreaded cold calls, here are ten effective techniques to use:

• Query letters. If you write for magazines, whether print or online, a powerful query is your first line of attack. Every query should open with a compelling lead, make the case for the story, show the editor how you plan to approach the topic, and describe why you’re uniquely qualified to write it. 
• LOIs. Second only to query letters in the freelancer’s arsenal is the LOI, or letter of introduction. You should have a template on hand that you can customize for potential clients, whether you’re contacting a custom publisher, a business, or a potential ghostwriting client. A template you can tweak lets you strike fast if you see a freelancing post or find out about a possible gig. The client will usually hire one of the first qualified responders, so you want to be as close to the head of the line as you can.
• Your website. You need one. Period. Your website should be designed to attract your primary target clients. If you’re writing for businesses, play up that aspect. If you freelance for magazines, include clips on your site and a list of publications you’ve worked for. At the least, your website should include: a description of the kind of work you do; a brief biography; and contact information. You may also want to list of prior projects or publications or client testimonials as well.
• Your email signature. One of the easiest yet overlooked ways to market yourself is to create an email signature that describes the work you do. Change it occasionally to highlight different aspects of your business.
• Satisfied clients. Clients who are happy with your work are one of the best ways to market yourself. Once you’ve proven yourself, ask your editor if she knows of other editors looking for freelancers. If you feel that’s too pushy, at least ask her to pass your name along to colleagues who might hire you in the future. 
• Article and book sources. I’ve interviewed hundreds of sources over the years, most of who are professionals in the health and fitness fields. I let them know that I ghostwrite and coauthor books, and have had work come through recommendations because of the way I treated a source. 
• Online job posts. Believe it or not, I’ve found good-paying work through online jobsites like craigslist. Check out http://craigslist.org, www.elance.com, www.online-writing-jobs.com, and www.guru.com for freelance job postings. Yes, most of the work is low-paying but there are legitimate gigs to be found if you don’t mind trawling through the dreck.
• Networking. Hate the word? Put a different spin on it. Don’t call it networking. Don’t call it anything. Just make an effort to create relationships with other humans, help them when you can, and connect. The person you connect with may not be a potential client, but he may know someone who is. The more people who know what you do, the better.
• One-on-one meetings. Every year, ASJA holds its annual writers’ conference in New York. Members can attend “Personal Pitch” to meet editors and agents. If you do a lot of work for businesses, it’s worth it to join your local chamber of commerce or attend other local networking events to introduce yourself to business owners.
• Social media. Unlike a website, a blog isn’t essential, but it can help you market yourself and your business. Same goes for your Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn accounts. Each should contain a brief blurb about the kind of work you do, again targeting potential clients. 

            Bottom line is to avoid a common marketing mistake, and one I’ve made in the past. You get busy with work and you don’t market for a while. Then after you crawl out from under your deadlines, you discover that you have to scramble to line up assignments.

            That’s why you should set aside some time, even if it’s just a few hours a week, to market. That may mean sending out a query or two, touching base with your regular clients, or checking online sites for possible gigs. Consistent marketing will make for more consistent work, and consistent money. 

                    ***This post is drawn from Secret 18: Market constantly, from Writer for Hire: 101 Secrets to Freelance Success.