From Crappy to Compelling: Write Better Queries (and Half-Off Offer Continues)

Welcome back, readers! Last post I talked about crappy queries masquerading as good ones. The good news is that pretty much any bad query can be transformed into one that results in an assignment. Here's a revised version of my original query from last post, with my comments in blue:  

Dear Megan:

A recent study published in The Lancet tracked a competitive runner who continued to train throughout her pregnancy. To ensure the safety of her babies (she delivered healthy twins), she wore a heart rate monitor to maintain a heart rate of 130-140 beats per minute. [First off, my lead includes a double whammy—the mention of the recent study gives me both a time peg and evidence of a trend. The Lancet is a major British medical journal (along the lines of The Journal of the American Medical Association or The New England Journal of Medicine). I don’t have to explain what it is because my editor works at a fitness magazine; otherwise, I’d include the phrase “a leading British medical journal.”]

Heart rate training is growing in popularity, not just for pregnant women, but for time-crunched exercisers seeking ways to work out more efficiently and safely. Using a heart rate monitor can make cardiovascular training more effective as it helps ensure that athletes work out as intensely (or as easily) as they are supposed to. Starting at $100, a heart rate monitor is an inexpensive investment that can be worth much more for women looking to improve their fitness. [In the second paragraph, I target the audience of my potential market much more effectively. While the study in question involved a pregnant woman, I immediately explain that heart rate monitors are growing in popularity, “not just for pregnant women, but for time-crunched exercisers seeking ways to work out more efficiently and safely.” Aha! That’s pretty much everyone who reads Fit, isn’t it? (And is there anyone who wants to work out less efficiently and safely? Probably not.) Note that I also mention the benefits of using heart rate monitors and point out their affordability. At the time, a heart rate monitor only cost about $100—most readers would be able to purchase one. That’s another selling point for this story.]

Interested in a story about the use of heart rate monitors to train more efficiently for your "exercise.sports.fitness" section or as a short feature? “Target Your Training: How a Heart Rate Monitor Can Make You Fitter” will give an overview of how these monitors can be used to maximize training. I’ll include advice from athletic trainers and female athletes who use monitors regularly about how to get the most from a heart monitor; a possible sidebar might include a list of some of the different models available. Although I estimate about 800 words for this story, that’s flexible depending on your needs. [I'm trying to make it easy for the editor to say "yes" to this pitch. I’ve come up with a working title which is a little long but gives an idea of what the piece will look like; I’ve told her the type of sources I plan to interview; and I’ve suggested an appropriate, service-oriented sidebar. I go on to estimate word count and then let her know that I’ve read the magazine by suggesting the department (“exercise.sports.fitness”) the story seems right for. I also briefly mention my writing background; because I had worked with her before, I don’t enclose clips.]

As you know, I’ve written for Fit before as well as for other magazines including Cosmopolitan, Shape, Good Housekeeping, Modern Bride, and BRIDE’S. I hope you’ll find this story appropriate for a future issue of Fit; let me know if you have any questions about it. Thank you for your time; I look forward to hearing from you soon. [While overall this query is strong, my ISG is still weak. Why? At the time, I’d been using a heart rate monitor during runs for several years—a fact that certainly makes me “uniquely qualified” to write about them. But it didn't occur to me to mention it in the query, even though I wound up using my experience as a first-person lead in the story itself.] 

Very truly yours,

Kelly James-Enger

**This pitch sold, and resulted in a $750 assignment; reslanted versions of this pitch resulted in another four assignments on the topic. What I want you to realize is that you can improve any query, no matter how rough the original is. So if you have a pitch that hasn't sold, maybe this is the time to dig it out, update it and rewrite it. It may turn a "dead duck" into a new assignment. 

Want to know more about queries--and how to write better ones that results in assignments--even if you're a brand-new freelancer? Post your questions here, and check out Dollars and Deadlines: Make Money Writing Articles for Print and Online Markets or Six-Figure Freelancing: The Writer's Guide to Making More Money, Second Edition. For a limited time, you'll get half off both titles when you order directly through ImprovisePress.com and use the discount code CHICKENS.

Good-looking Queries that are Really Crappy: Why This One Didn't Sell

I've said before that if you want to write for print and online markets, you cannot underestimate the importance of your query letter--especially if you're a new writer. The query represents your first (and possibly your only) chance of impressing an editor who's new to you. It showcases your ability to conceptualize an idea, demonstrates your knowledge of her market, and highlights your unique qualifications to write this particular story for this market. 

I've written more than 1,200 queries at this point in my career and edited and given feedback on hundreds of others for freelancers. I've found that while some are clearly strong, and some are clearly horrible, there's a third type of query that new writers often submit. It's the crappy query masquerading as a solid one. At first glance, it looks fine--there are no spelling or grammatical mistakes, and the idea sounds like it might work for that market. But a closer look reveals that it is in fact, well, crappy. 

Here's an actual query I sent early in my freelance career. Read through it briefly before we move on. 

Dear Ms. Cook:

Most pregnant women are afraid that after the baby, their bodies will never be the same. They dread losing the fitness they have worked so hard to achieve but they don’t want to risk their babies’ health to keep up their workouts.

Most obstetricians agree that regular moderate exercise is beneficial to pregnant women as long as they were in good physical condition before pregnancy. However, mothers-to-be are advised to exercise at or below a certain heart rate to protect the baby’s safety. Using a heart monitor allows these women to keep up their fitness program and reassures them that their child is safe.

I am interested in writing a short article for Fitness on the use of heart rate monitors while exercising by pregnant women. I will interview mothers who successfully employed monitors through pregnancy and several physicians for their recommendations on exercise during pregnancy. This piece will also remind readers of the value of using heart monitors for working out even if they are not pregnant or planning on becoming so.

I am a freelance writer interested in health and fitness issues and have enclosed two recent clips for your review. Please call me at your convenience to discuss this idea further.  

Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you soon. 

Very truly yours,

Kelly K. James

So, what'd you think? Not bad, right? That's what most writers say when I use this query in class. Many think I'm using it an example of what to do, as though it's a good query. 

Well, it's not. It stinks, and let's look at why. My comments are in red: 

Dear Ms. Cook:

Most pregnant women are afraid that after the baby, their bodies will never be the same. They dread losing the fitness they have worked so hard to achieve but they don’t want to risk their babies’ health to keep up their workouts. [Ok, first problem is that this idea is  much too general. My lead starts out with an assumption that nearly anyone could make—that “most women” are afraid that pregnancy will irrevocably change their bodies. This is along the lines of saying something like "most parents want their children to grow up to be happy, well-adjusted adults" or "most of us want to avoid getting a horrible disease." Duh, right? This lead is a dud.] 

Most obstetricians agree that regular moderate exercise is beneficial to pregnant women as long as they were in good physical condition before pregnancy. However, mothers-to-be are advised to exercise at or below a certain heart rate to protect the baby’s safety.  Using a heart monitor allows these women to keep up their fitness program and reassures them that their child is safe. [Here I make the the sweeping assertion that “most obstetricians” say that “moderate exercise” is beneficial as long as women keep their heart rate at or below a certain heart rate. How about some specifics here? It's clear I haven't done any real research on the topic, so I look lazy, or at least uninformed. Probably both. If I would have done any background research, I would have discovered that the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists long ago rescinded its blanket recommendation that pregnant women exercise at or below 140 beats per minute. Instead, pregnant women are supposed to monitor their exertion levels and not push themselves too hard. If this editor knows anything about prenatal fitness, she’ll catch this oversight immediately and know that I didn't spend any time researching my subject.]

I am interested in writing a short article for Fitness on the use of heart rate monitors while exercising by pregnant women. I will interview mothers who successfully employed monitors through pregnancy and several physicians for their recommendations on exercise during pregnancy. This piece will also remind readers of the value of using heart monitors for working out even if they are not pregnant or planning on becoming so. [In addition to being, well, boring, I have misread the market. Think about it—how many women who read Fitness are pregnant or trying to become so? I’d guess maybe 1 or 2 percent. Yet this query is directed at that tiny subgroup although I do mention that the piece “will also remind readers of the value of using heart monitors for working out even if they are not pregnant or doing so.” If I was pitching a magazine like Fit Pregnancy, this wouldn’t be an issue. But I’m pitching a general women’s fitness magazine, so I need to keep its (mostly non-pregnant) readers in mind.]

I am a freelance writer interested in health and fitness issues and have enclosed two recent clips for your review. Please call me at your convenience to discuss this idea further. [My ISG, or "I-am-so-great," paragraph is kind of lame. Although I mention my interest in health and fitness, I don’t do a very good job of convincing the editor of my qualifications to write the article, do I? I'd been using a heart rate monitor myself--I was recovering from an injury--and should have mentioned that in this query. That kind of firsthand knowledge could have helped me get this assignment, assuming I tuned up this pitch.]  

Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you soon. 

Very truly yours,

 Kelly K. James

So, do you see that a closer analysis of this query reveals how bad it is? Trust me, any editor will be reading your query just as closely, so make sure your query is compelling, well-researched, and geared to the market you're pitching. Next post, we'll take a look at how I turned this crappy query into a compelling one--and one that sold. 

**Hi, readers! Want to know more about queries and how to write better ones to get more assignments, even if you're a brand-new freelancer? Post your questions here, and check out Dollars and Deadlines: Make Money Writing Articles for Print and Online Markets or Six-Figure Freelancing: The Writer's Guide to Making More Money, Second Edition. For a limited time, you'll get half off both titles when you order directly through ImprovisePress.com and use the discount code CHICKENS. 

When Chickens Go Missing--and the 50 Percent Off Offer Returns!

As a longtime freelancer and author, I get a lot of email from readers. A couple of days ago, I received an email from someone who's been following my blog for several years.

She said she appreciated how "transparent" I was when it came to talking about the challenges and rewards of freelancing. I suppose she has a point. I talk about money. I'm honest about what I receive in advances, and I try to educate readers about what royalties are and how they work. I even share the mistakes I make and even post (cringe-worthy) queries and other submissions I've made in the past.

But I admit that I do try to put a positive spin on things. I think part of success--especially when you're self-employed, and especially as a writer (which comes with it all kinds of starving-artist-in-the -garrett connotations)--involves always presenting a positive face to the world. 

But I have days where I really don't want to freelance anymore. And like any freelancer, I suffer setbacks. I'm experiencing one now. At the beginning of the summer, I was offered a lucrative ghosting gig--to the tune of $15,000. That's not a lot of money to ghostwrite an entire book, but I had a highly motivated client who agreed to write the draft chapters, based on her research, and then hand them off to me. I would then reorganize, edit, rewrite, and ask for missing/additional information as necessary. It would still be an aggressive deadline but one that I could make, averaging at least one chapter a week to finish the book in less than 12 weeks.

Long story much shorter, I've done a great job. But for reasons outside my control, it looks like I won't be finishing the book. That's a problem for several reasons. First, I set aside the whole summer for this gig (turning down other work in the process), and now I'm looking at about six weeks' worth of lost work time--not to mention a loss of about $9,000.  

Losing that expected income is a blow, because I admit I've already mentally spent some (okay, a lot) of that money. I'd planned to pay for our family vacation and to fund some work on our house with it. Plus the gig meant that I didn't have to market my ass off for a few weeks. 

But you know what? This is a good reminder that you never count your chickens before they hatch. Within a few hours of getting this news, I had already done three things:

1. Reached out to several potential big projects I'm still in the running for, to remind them that I'm available/interested in the work; 

2. Touched base with my handful of regular clients, to drum up new freelance business; and 

3. Created a list of new promotion ideas for Improvise Press. One of my latest special offers for readers to buy my super-helpful freelancing books, Dollars and Deadlines: Make Money Writing Articles for Print and Online Markets, and Six-Figure Freelancing: The Writer's Guide to Making  More Money as a Freelance Writer, Second Edition, at a discount produced a surge of sales. With an imminent work slowdown, it's time to reboot those sales and spark new interest in these titles. That will help bring money in in the short-term AND create a successful publishing company in the long-term. 

So the latest offer? It's half off these two popular books (two more IP titles are currently in the works! Woo hoo!) if you order directly from Improvise Press and use the discount code CHICKENS (all caps). I'll be shipping books out every day for the next two weeks, so get your orders in soon! 

As with all of my special offers, this is only available for a limited time. Coming up next, more advice from the trenches about how to write better queries, get more work, and succeed as a freelancer today.

**Got a freelance question? Comment here and I'll be happy to answer it. :) Thanks for reading, and for supporting my work. :)

Want to Write a Book Proposal But Have No Clue? Help is Here!

Want to write and publish a nonfiction book? Your first choice is probably a traditional publisher, which pays you an advance for the right to publish your work. (Or you may choose to go POD, or print-on-demand, where you pay a company to publish your book--or opt for an electronic version instead.) 

Well, if you want to sell your nonfiction book, you'll have to write a book proposal. A proposal typically contains the following elements: 

                  The overview of the concept and a brief statement of your qualifications;

                  The audience, which describes the target market (in other words, who will buy your book);

   The “about the author” section where you highlight your “platform”;

                  The competition analysis, where you list books that are similar to yours and describe how your book is different from (and better than) competing titles;

                  A marketing and promotion section that describes how you will use your platform and media connections to help sell the book;

                  An outline of the book, which includes brief chapter summaries and other material the book will include (i.e., foreword, appendix, and index); 

                  At least one sample chapter; and

                  Relevant attachments, such as magazine articles you’ve written about the topic. 

Sound like a lot of work? It is. My book proposals usually take four to six weeks to write, depending on the subject matter and amount of research I have to do, and run between 30 and 60 pages. One coauthored proposal, which included detailed chapter summaries, weighed in at more than 120 pages. (I did get paid $15,000 to write it, but it was still an enormous amount of work. And then it didn't sell...bummer.) 

If you're new to writing proposals, I have good news. My colleague Jennifer Lawler, a veteran author, freelancer, and editor is offering her popular online class, Write your Book Proposal e-Course, which starts in September. I've known Jennifer for years, and she's not only smart and successful, she loves helping would-be authors make the transition from wanna-be to published author. She's also the person behind Be Your Own Book Doctor, so get in touch with her to learn more about how to get your book in print and/or pixels.

**Want to write and get paid for it? Check out my latest two books, Dollars and Deadlines: Make Money Writing Articles for Print and Online Markets and Six-Figure Freelancing: The Writer's Guide to Making More Money, second edition. If you prefer print (like I do), order directly from ImprovisePress.com. Use the discount code, IMPROVISEPRESS (all caps/no breaks) for 20 percent off of your order!