Power up your Pitches: 13 Fully-Critiqued Queries to Help your Freelance Success

You cannot overstate the importance of the query letter, especially when you're a new freelancer. As you gain experience, you may not have to query as frequently. You may connect with editors through social media, meet them at conferences or other events, or be introduced through another editor or fellow freelancer. Once you've got some clips and clients, you're more of a "known entity" and have a reputation (hopefully a good one) that precedes you.  

But when you're starting off, all you have is about four paragraphs to make an impression, positive or not. The first query you send may not only be your first impression; it may be the only chance you have to catch the attention of an editor or agent. 

Whether you're pitching an article idea to an editor, looking for an agent for your novel, or have a memoir or nonfiction book to sell, you must write a compelling query. That's one reason I put so much emphasis on them when I teach article writing and freelancing workshops, and why I offer query critiques (including the super awesome bonus) occasionally here on the blog. 

Looking at other writers' queries can be instructive as well--you can see what works, what doesn't, and get an idea of approaches that may work for you. Here are a few fully-critiqued article pitches that will help you write better ones:  

• A parenting magazine pitch; 
• A true-life feature pitch (though it could be a service story, as you'll see); 
• A service article pitch; 
• A pitch for a fitness magazine;  
• A general pitch; 
• A pitch for a parenting magazine; and
• A pitch for a profile; 

Have a book to pitch instead? Then take a look at these: 

• A memoir pitch for an agent; 
• A pitch for a novel; 
• A pitch for a YA ("young adult") series; 
• A pitch for a YA novel; 
• A novel query; and 
• A nonfiction book query; 

I hope you find them helpful! Please share this post with other writers! 

**Are you serious about making money as a freelancer? To learn more about how to set yourself apart from other writers, nab more assignments, and create long-lasting relationships with editors and clients, read my latest two books, Dollars and Deadlines: Make Money Writing Articles for Print and Online Markets or Six-Figure Freelancing: The Writer's Guide to Making More Money, Second Edition. For a limited time, you'll get half off both titles when you order directly through ImprovisePress.com and use the discount code CHICKENS.

Want an even better bargain? My series of short-but-loaded-with-info ebooks is priced at $0.99 for a limited time: 

• Dollars and Deadlines' Guide to Selling your First Article;
• Dollars and Deadlines' 10 Essential Freelance Templates; 
• Dollars and Deadlines' 10 Truths Every Writer Who Wants to Get Published Should Know; and 
• Dollars and Deadlines' 10 Most Popular, Proven Ways to Make Money as a Freelance Writer. 

Query Critique Month: A YA Novel Query

Hi readers! Query Critique Month continues. Did you see the first query, on "Second Act" parenting? 


Next up is a query for a YA (young adult) novel in search of an agent. Once again, my comments are in green:  


Dear Ms. [Last Name],

You can’t fight against something you can’t remember. [Not sure about this first line...I feel like something more compelling here, or maybe another line to explain what you mean.]

At least that was the Company’s logic as they wiped sixteen year old Charlie Dylan of all but his worst human memories. As punishment for his parents’ mistakes, the most feared organize crime group in the magical community stole his magic, ensured he was friendless, and replaced his parents with callous look-alikes so he never knew about birthright as their leader. However, when a wish causes the enchantments to come undone, he is on the path to put them away before they return for his memories or worse. [This sounds like a fantasy or sci fi book, or maybe a combination of both. With a created world, though, I'd like to know a little more about it--is the book set in the future, for example, or in another world? If you're describing a novel set in 19th century Ireland, say so. If it's a contemporary novel set in Chicago, say so. Place/setting matters and I'd like to know more about the setting of the novel here.]

What he couldn’t prevent was falling in love with Abigail Shaw. From the moment he accepted magic they became physically bound, forcing her along for the ride as they uncover that the very wish making changes to his life has nested itself in Abigail. With forces to take down the wish coming at them from all sides, he will do anything to keep her safe even if that means facing off the most dangerous people he has ever come across; his real parents. [Again, tell me what "accepted magic" means, and how the the wish has "nested" in Abigail. And I'd be a little more specific about Abigail--how old is she? Why is she so compelling? What forces are coming after him? I feel like I only have a part of the story here and would like to know more.]

Renegade Wish is magic and love meets The Bourne Identity. I read in an interview that you have a special affinity for young adult books, and I thought you might be interested in my 98k novel. Thank you for taking the time to consider representing my work. Upon your request, I am prepared to send my completed manuscript. I look forward to hearing from you. [I like the "log line" ("magic and love meets The Bourne Identity--but put the latter in italics] but more detail above will support it. Instead of saying, "I read in an interview," I'd simply say, "I know you have a special affinity..." Including the word count is good but I would also include the genre (see second paragraph); YA encompasses just about everything these days. Also, who are you as the writer? Tell the agent a little bit about your writing background, your social media/platform, any awards, etc. Make the best case you can not only for your book but for you as an author as well.]


Overall, I feel like this is a good first draft but that it needs more detail--maybe another full paragraph telling more about the setting and the specific conflicts Charlie faces/storyline, for example. And def at least a few lines about the writer's background, etc. 


If you're pitching a novel, here's an example of a novel query that worked. And if you write YA, you'll want to see this YA query. 


**Readers, what do you think? Do you agree with my analysis? Let me know, and stay tuned for more critiques. :) In the meantime, if you're serious about freelancing, check out my new book from Writer's Digest, Writer for Hire: 101 Secrets to Freelance Success. 

Do You Write Fiction Too? Five Tips for Fitting it In

While the lion's share of my work is nonfiction (mostly ghostwriting these days), I'm a novelist as well. And I'm not alone--there are a lot of freelancers out there who have a novel or short stories in the works. That's why I was happy to write a guest post for author Kelly Stone on how to fit fiction into your writing life. I've been enjoying her 90-day writing challenge (well, not enjoying it all the time, but I'm glad I'm doing it) and plan to finish my new novel soon.

**Next up, the 2012 Income Survey results! Stay tuned! :)

**And finally, readers, I'm curious--do you write both fiction and nonfiction? Let me know!

A Month of Templates: The Novel Pitch

Last post, I shared a nonfiction book query to use for agents and editors. What about when you have a novel to pitch?

First, make sure you have your novel finished--not "close to finished," or "almost finished," but done. If an editor or agent expresses interest, you should be ready to send your manuscript ASAP. You may also want to have a synopsis prepared as well, which is a brief storyline of your book; many agents/editors will request a synopsis along with the first couple of chapters to get a feel for your writing.

Here's the query that sold my first novel, Did you get the Vibe?, to Kensington. My comments are in violet:

August 16, 2002

Dear Mr. Scognamiglio:

Have you ever gotten the Vibe? You know, that feeling when you meet a woman, and you know that you’re attracted to each other? [Attention-getting opener.]

Kate, 28, has based her dating life on the Vibe. If there’s a Vibe there, the guy is worth pursuing—it not, forget it. The trouble is that the too-beautiful-for-her Andrew just dumped her, and now she can hardly fit into her favorite jeans. And she hates her job, but everyone keeps telling her how great it is to be a lawyer. Yeah, right.

At least she has Tracy, her best friend from law school. Both live in Chicago’s up-and-coming Lakeview neighborhood. Tracy’s gorgeous, smart, and has a great job, a great apartment, and a great live-in boyfriend, Tom, to go along with it all. She also has an eating disorder she’s managed to keep secret from even her closest friend. Tracy doesn’t believe in the Vibe—until she experiences it for the first time, and it turns her life upside down. [The preceding two paragraphs introduce the two main characters and their "issues."]

Will Kate find lasting love, meaningful work, and be able to squeeze back into her clothes? Will Tracy give up the man who loves her to experience sexual fulfillment—and come to grips with what she’s doing to her body and her spirit? Did you Get the Vibe? explores the lives of these two best friends as they love, work, diet, laugh, and bond over their boyfriends, jobs, diets, and sex lives. Readers of women’s contemporary fiction will enjoy their stories, and relate to their experiences, struggles, and insights. [More on the characters' issues along with a preview of the storyline. note that I've also described what kind of book this is--commonly referred to as "chick lit."]

Did you Get the Vibe? is 78,855 words is my first novel. As a fulltime freelance journalist for the past five years, my work has appeared in more than 40 magazines including Marie Claire, Woman’s Day, Family Circle, Self, and Redbook; I’m also a contributing editor at Oxygen, The Writer, and For the Bride. My first nonfiction book, Ready, Aim, Specialize! How to Create your Writing Specialty and Make More Money will be published by The Writer Books in the winter of 2003. I’m also a frequent speaker at writers’ conferences, and not surprisingly, a big believer in the Vibe. [Here is my ISG, but I could have done much better here in terms of playing up my ability to promote and market the book. You want the editor/agent to know that you've already identified your audience--i.e. book buyers--and that you'll work your butt off to sell it when it comes out.]

Please let me know if you’re interested in seeing a synopsis and three chapters or the complete manuscript of Vibe. I’m contacting a handful of editors and agents who I think might be interested in this book, and hope to find a home for it soon. [Letting him know I'm simultaneously submitting, or pitching more than one agent/editor at a time. This is standard practice for novel submissions--otherwise, you'd spend years just waiting for responses!]

Thank you very much for your time.

Sincerely,
Kelly James-Enger

***
Here's the best part about this query--it sold! I mailed it on Tuesday (this was back in 2002), and John requested the full manuscript that Saturday. He bought the book three weeks later, and it was published the next year--and translated into five languages as well! Not bad for my first novel, which is still FREE on Smashwords for a limited time. Or check out my two other books, White Bikini Panties, and The Honesty Index.